The 12 Claims of Christmas (Part 2)

Thanks for joining us for part 2 of our “12 Claims of Christmas” series! Last week we covered the nasty side effects of Jack Frost, the repercussions of watching too many Christmas movies, and the self-inflicted violence that can occur while trying to deck the halls. This week we’re going to cover three more injuries, but before we get to that I have a story for you. It was unpleasant for me, but it’s sure to be funny for you.

Not even two days after sitting down and writing all about the dumb things people do during the holidays I experienced a…ummm…let’s call it an attack on my physical and spiritual well-being. While treading over to the neighbors (to deliver Christmas treats no less!) I felt a pull on my pant leg so I turned around to see what it was and ended up in the wet, soggy lawn on my behind. It turns out the pull was a stake that had come loose from one of our Christmas lawn decorations, but it wasn’t all the way out of the ground so when I turned around I was still stuck on it and it pulled me down.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. I said it was a physical AND spiritual attack, but what’s spiritual about a stake in the ground? Well, nothing really. That is, unless said stake is attached to the baby Jesus in your nativity set.

That’s right friends, baby Jesus took me down right in the front yard for all the neighbors to see. I knew I shouldn’t have skipped the church luncheon last week, but I had no idea the consequences that awaited me. Message received big guy; no more lawn wrestling necessary. Thankfully, the public display of humiliation only bruised my ego so there was no hospital visit needed.

You may not be so lucky if you experience one of the injuries we’re covering today!

Sledding Gone Bad

V00.228A: Other sled accident, initial encounter.

I don’t know who would ever go DASHING through the snow in an OPEN sleigh that’s only being driven by ONE horse, but apparently, it was a thing back in the day. Fast forward 100 years or so and now we do something even crazier; we slide down icy hills on a thin plastic disk.

As you threw caution to the wind it reciprocated by throwing caution to its speed and you drifted into a deep snow-filled bank. It wouldn’t have been so bad had your best friend not drifted into the same bank. Now you’re both suffering from a colossal headache and your wrist is the size of China. At least it was fun before the whole crashing part, right?  

Shopping Put a Dent in More Than Your Wallet

W51.XXXA: Accidental striking against or bumped into by another person, initial encounter.

As I mentioned last week, shopping can be a contact sport. You got through Black Friday all in one piece and even got a few good deals! You were feeling pretty proud of yourself and thought you could take the shopping world by storm again the very next day. The mom at Costco driving one of those giant carts with four little boys to keep track of set you straight pretty quick.

As she rounded the corner a member of her wild brood jumped in front of her, causing her to bump them right into you and your case of cheese puffs (no judgment here; those things are delicious). The good news? The cheese puffs are fine. The bad news? Your leg isn’t. At least you saved money by buying the cheese puffs in bulk. 

Wrapping Warfare

W45.1: Paper entering through skin.

Grandma invited the kiddos over for their annual cookie decorating tradition, so you have the whole evening to yourself. You turned on the Christmas music, gathered the boxes, wrapping, ribbon, and bows, and set out for a cheerful night of wrapping presents!

Your plan came crashing down when you were doing your best to get the crease on Timmy’s new shoe box just right but ended up wreaking havoc on your finger instead. After applying Band-Aids to your paper cuts, your physician will enter code W45.1 to document the injury you brought on with your generosity. And just think…shoes weren’t even on Timmy’s Christmas list. 

Make sure to check out The 12 Claims of Christmas PART 1.

What funny things have happened to you or loved ones during the holiday season? We’d love to hear all about it in the comments below!